I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
