how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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