Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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