i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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