we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
