And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
