Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
