quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
