There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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