You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
