I think my fart just growled at me.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
As shirtless as possible
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
