So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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