I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just pee around me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
