wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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