My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize