Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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