Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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