I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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