I looked at my own cervix.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
