it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
