he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
