So drunk its hurt
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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