he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
