I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
