she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
