You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
