I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
