I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
