OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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