Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize