i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
