True but thats because hes a fetus.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
