I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
