I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
There's always time for handjobs
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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