Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
