Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
