Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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