I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys