The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.