My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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