i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
