Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
