No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
