That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
