Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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