there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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