I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
