there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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