i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
