I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
