I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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