Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It was confusing and full of hummus
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
