it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
