how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
