He had one of those small greek statue penises
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
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We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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