i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
