After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
