I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
